Advice and resources : Helping a child with anxiety

Overview

Anxiety is an increasingly common problem, with around 1 in 10 people experiencing it at some point in their lives.

We only consider anxiety a disorder when it starts to have a significant impact on your day-to-day life causes severe distress.

There are many different types of anxiety disorders, and they all affect how children and young people think, feel, and behave.

Some are more common in young children and others in adolescents, but they can all occur at any age.

Often, there’s no one single cause of anxiety, but stressful life events can have an effect, such as:

• family separations
• school transitions
• exams

Common types of anxiety

Social anxiety 

This relates to feeling embarrassed or being judged negatively by others. This can make certain situations at school particularly difficult, such as group work, performing in events, and asking for help.

Generalised anxiety (GAD)

Worrying a lot about many things and finding it hard to stop. It can cause physical symptoms like headaches or a fast heartbeat.

Separation anxiety

This is the fear of being away or separated from a parent or carer. The child or young person might feel something bad is going to happen. This fear can make going to school difficult.

Panic

A sudden, strong rush of fear with physical symptoms like fast breathing, chest pain or shaking.

Panic attacks can have a specific trigger or come out of nowhere. Once a panic attack has occurred, it’s usual to have an intense fear of future panic attacks.

Specific phobia

This is an excessive fear of a particular place, object, or situation such as like needles at the doctors (injections), spiders, or certain animals.

Obsessions and compulsions

Obsessions are intrusive and repetitive thoughts, usually followed by the urge to act in a certain way in response to these thoughts.

The specific behaviours, rituals, or routines which follow are known as compulsions. Children and young people feel uncomfortable or anxious when unable to complete them.

Common Symptoms

Physical 

• increased heart rate
• headaches
• nausea and vomiting
• sweating
• restlessness
• dizziness
• muscle tension
• shaking
• tingling
• breathing

Psychological 

Overthinking how bad a situation might be, and underestimating their ability to cope.

For example, they may say something like “I’m going to forget my presentation, everyone will laugh at me, and I won’t know what to do.”

Catastrophising, mind-reading, and predicting the future are also symptoms.

Behavioural 

It’s common for children and young people with anxiety to avoid situations/activities that they find causes anxiety. For example, group tasks, presentations, and injections.

Anxiety can appear in different ways depending on their anxiety disorder, making it difficult to identify.

Difficulties which anxiety can cause

• Low concentration and focus
• Poor memory
• Avoiding certain situations, tasks or activities
• Restlessness, agitation and difficulty staying settled
• Complaining of physical symptoms
• Having difficulties joining in with certain tasks and activities
• Outbursts of anger or crying
• Increased irritability, mood swings and stress
• Avoiding socialising with family and friends

How you can help

Breathing techniques

Breathing slowly is one of the most helpful skills when you’re experiencing anxiety.

Breathe in for 3 seconds. Hold for 1 second. Breathe out for 4 seconds. Put one hand on your belly and feel it move. Do this slowly for a minute.

Practice this daily to help your body calm down quickly. 

Grouping techniques

The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method uses the five senses to help stay calm in stressful situation. 

• Breathe: slowly, in and out
• See: say 5 things you can see, such as the television, trees, the yellow car outside
• Touch: say 4 things you can feel, like the sunshine on your back
• Sounds: say 3 sounds that you can hear, like the sound of the birds tweeting, or music music on the radio
• Smell: say 2 things you can smell, or your favourite smells, like freshly baked cookies
• Taste: say 1 thing you can taste, or your favourite tastes, like chocolate or mints
• Finish by slowly breathing in and out

Reducing avoidance

Avoiding fears in the short term can reduce feelings of anxiety, but it can make managing it in the long term difficult.

Creating a step-by-step plan to face your fears is a good way to reduce anxiety. You can break down a challenge or goal into small, manageable steps that feel achievable, and then trying out the steps.

For example, a common fear is talking in public. This could be broken down by practising alone, then in front of a mirror, then in front of family members, then friends or a teacher, before giving the talk.

Coping statements

When you feel anxious, having coping statements on hand can help you challenge your thoughts, such as:

• "If I get anxious, I will try some calm breathing”
• "I just need to do my best”
• “I can do it”
• “I am not weak for having anxiety, everyone experiences anxiety”
• “I’m strong for challenging myself to face the things that scare me”

Increasing enjoyable activities

Try reducing your stress by introducing daily enjoyable activities, small things such as watching a good TV programme, going for a bike ride, playing a computer or board game with others.

Increasing problem-solving skills

When problems happen, break the solution down into steps, think about different options, and never be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Talking to others

Talking about anxiety can be really hard for some people. However, it’s really helpful to talk about your feelings and challenges with someone you can trust. We’re here if you need us and there’s lots of support available in your area. 

When to ask for help

Some children and young people feel that their anxiety is their fault. They blame themselves for being anxious.

Some might not even know what they’re experiencing is anxiety.

This can make it really hard for them to talk to other people about how they feel and to ask for help. When they do manage to talk about how they feel, they often feel much better and experience a sense of relief.

If you’ve tried to support the child or young person by using the techniques on the ‘managing anxiety’ page and they’re still having difficulties, there’s lots of support available in your area. You can find information about this on our service pages.

Please speak to your GP if you're concerned that their symptoms are interfering significantly with their day-to-day life, causing them to be at risk of harm. by not eating for example. 

You can also refer your child to our services.

• Managing feelings
• Anxiety Disorders Treatment Service for children and young people

Talking Therapies

If you're aged 17 and over, and you need mental health support, you can contact Talking Therapies. Our friendly service offers support and advice on how to cope with challenges like depression, stress, anxiety or phobias. 

You can email us at any time, and we will get back to you as soon as possible. 

• Talking Therapies

Support

Resources

AnDY Research unit offer assessments, treatment and research for children and young people suffering from anxiety or depression.

Kooth offer mini-activities to boost your wellbeing.

Anxiety UK have information on anxiety and treatments.

• AnDY Research Unit
• Kooth
• Anxiety UK

Mobile apps

Little Blue Book of Sunshine (Apple and Google download) has practical and useful advice to help teenagers with how they're feeling.

• Little Blue Book of Sunshine (Apple)
• Little Blue Book of Sunshine (Google)

Number 22

Free and confidential counselling to adults and young people in Windsor, Maidenhead and Slough.

• Number 22

Understanding anxiety, depression, and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy course

Anxiety and depression are terms you might hear in different media and between family and friends.

The University of Reading have a 5-week online course which is open to anyone who wants to understand more.

You'll explore what it means to have anxiety or depression, and demonstrations on how CBT can be used.

This course is not a self-help treatment for anyone experiencing anxiety or depression, and it can't be used to formally diagnose yourself or anyone else.

Instead, it is to help understand more about these conditions and how they might be experienced by family and friends.

• Understanding Anxiety, Depression and CBT course on FutureLearn

Guides and books

Helpful resources for young people, parents, and carers.