Advice and resources : Helping a child with anxiety

Breathing techniques

Breathing slowly is one of the most helpful skills when you’re experiencing anxiety. Try using a count of 3-in, 1-hold, 4-out to start off. Breathe into your belly rather than into your chest. This will help the body calm down quickly. Try practising this daily.

Grouping techniques

The 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method is a calming technique that can be helpful to use in a stressful situation or when there is an increase in symptoms of anxiety. This technique involves using the five senses in the following way:

1. Start by slowly breathing in and out
2. SEE: look around for 5 things you can see and say them out loud. For example, you could say, I see the television, I see the mug or I see the yellow car outside
3. TOUCH: think of 4 things you can feel and say them out loud. For example, you could say, I feel the woolly socks on my feet, I feel the sunshine on my back, or I feel the wooden chair I am sitting on
4. SOUNDS: listen for 3 sounds that you can hear and say them aloud. This could be the sound of the birds tweeting outside, the music on the radio or the cars driving past
5. SMELL: think of 2 things you can smell. If you can’t smell anything, then you can think of two of your favourite smells, such as freshly baked cookies or your favourite perfume/aftershave
6. TASTE: think of 1 thing you can taste and say it out loud. If you can’t taste anything, you can say some of your favourite tastes, such as chocolate or mints
7. Finish by slowly breathing in and out

Reducing avoidance

Avoidance of fears in the short term can reduce symptoms of anxiety. However, in the long term, it can contribute to the maintenance of anxiety. Creating a step by step plan to face your fears is a good way to reduce anxiety. This involves breaking down a challenge or goal into small, manageable steps that feel achievable, and then trying out the steps.

To start this, make a plan to slowly and gradually do the things you would normally avoid. For example, a common fear is having to talk in public. This could be broken down by practising alone, then in front of a mirror, then practising in front of family members, then practising in front of friends or a teacher, before giving the talk.

Coping statements

When you feel anxious, having coping statements on hand can help you challenge your thoughts. For example, “If I get anxious, I will try some calm breathing”, “I just need to do my best”, “I can do it”, “I am not weak for having anxiety, everyone experiences anxiety”, “I’m strong for challenging myself to face the things that scare me”.

Increasing enjoyable activities

Try reducing your stress by introducing daily enjoyable activities, small things such as watching a good TV programme, going for a bike ride, playing a computer or board game with others.

Increasing problem solving skills

When problems arise break the solution down into steps, think about different options, and never be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Talking to others

Talking about anxiety can be really hard for some people. However, it’s really helpful to talk about your feelings and challenges with someone you can trust. We’re here if you need us and there’s lots of support available in your area. 

Some children and young people feel that their anxiety is their fault. They blame themselves for being anxious. Some might not even know what they’re experiencing is anxiety. This can make it really hard for them to talk to other people about how they feel and to ask for help. When they do manage to talk about how they feel, they often feel much better and experience a sense of relief.

If you’ve tried to support the child or young person by using the techniques on the ‘managing anxiety’ page and they’re still having difficulties, there’s lots of support available in your area. You can find information about this on our service pages.

If the symptoms of anxiety are interfering significantly with their day to day life and/or you are concerned that they may be at risk of harm, for example by not eating or by harming themselves, talk to your GP, another health professional about what other support is available.

You can also refer your child to our services.

If you're aged 17 and over, and you need mental health support, you can contact Talking Therapies. Our friendly service offers support and advice on how to cope with challenges like depression, stress, anxiety or phobias. 

Our teams are available for contact 8am to 8pm, Monday to Thursday, and 8am to 6pm on Friday.

You can email us at any time, and we will get back to you as soon as possible. 

Call Talking Therapies 0300 365 2000 (calls charged at local rate)

Email talkingtherapies@berkshire.nhs.uk